Of all the entries I’ve placed in this blog, this is the most personal and the only one I’ve ever hesitated writing. But this is part of wellness, of well-being: dealing with all the things that life hands to us and working with each one in some way.
Last December I attended a workshop entitled “Personal Training Cancer Patients & Survivors”. I went because so many people in my life had dealt with or were dealing with cancer in one form or another. I wanted to expand my practice to address the specific needs of this ever-growing population and I was glad to have had the opportunity to learn from a great group of folks like Regan Frederick, Jane Clark and Betty Smoot.
I had the opportunity, truly, the honor, to hear from some folks who are dealing with cancer and working hard to maintain the highest level of fitness they could; to promote a stronger body and a stronger autoimmune system. The word inspiring doesn’t even come close!
Now here I sit in my fitness studio in Oakland on this warm, sunny March afternoon, and I’m waiting for the results of a prostate biopsy; waiting to find out if I have cancer.
My test, my “procedure” (isn’t that a great word? A wonderful client of mine said it discourages anyone asking any additional questions) was just a couple of days ago and I still have about 4 more days before I’ll get my results.
So, how did I get to the biopsy point (ooh, bad word to use)? I’d had problems with BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia aka an enlarged prostate) for a few years now and dealt with with just as I have my arthritis – an irritant but nothing that would keep me down or keep me from being active and enjoying life, but my PSA count had rapidly and consistently risen 4 times over the past 4 years, furthermore, my father had prostate cancer at just about the same age I am now (58) and none of the other tests showed anything to be the cause, so there I was – sonogram-ed and biopsied…and waiting.
Waiting is not particularly one of my strong suits; I mean, I’m great with my clients, displaying the highest degree of patience, after all, they came to me not only for my knowledge and experience but for understanding and to be taught, not dictated to. But for myself? Not quite the same standards apply at times and boy is this one of those times. I think it was Mark Twain who commented that (and I paraphrase) ‘Most of the things I’ve feared never came true’ and I know that I’m giving too much energy to fear in this wait-and-see time. Ralph Waldo Emerson said – and this time I can quote – “Fear always springs from ignorance”…how spot-on is that?
If the test results come back positive, my life will be changed…I’ll have some interesting decisions to make…lots of questions to ask and lots to research to do.
If the results come back negative, my life will be changed…because this is still a reality check for me: ensuring that I am doing all I can to promote my own well-being – after all, that is my profession. Ensuring that I’m doing what I can to nurture my whole being – after all, that’s what I wish for all my friends, family and clients.
So that’s how I got here and here I sit.
I’ll write again on this soon.
Go out and hug someone; eat something nutritious; make the most of your waking hours and be well.