You’ve got mail (oh yeah, and cancer)

If reading personal stuff bugs you then here’s your opportunity to tune out.  Me? Well, I’m a pretty private guy normally but given that I’m a Fitness and Wellness Coach, I share about my physical life because this is what I do – the pursuit of wellness IS my work, it is my passion, my life.
Four years ago, pretty much to the day, I was waiting for the results of a prostate biopsy.  If you’ve read those entries you’ll know I basically freaked out for nothing – the biopsy was negative.
Here I am four years later, another biopsy.
My doctor told me he’d send me the results and lo and behold after 10 days of wigging out the email arrives.  Nonchalant as can be I click it open, fully expecting a repeat result and simply stared at the screen.
I’m reading these words and nothing seems to be in focus except the words prostate cancer – like the parents on Charlie Brown whose words are all wah wah wah wah, wah, wah or that cartoon about what your dog Ginger hears when you talk to her “blah blah blah Ginger, blah blah blah”.
So here I am, technology has eliminated the guesswork and delivered the results right to my face and I can’t wrap my head around the words in front of me.
OK, deeeeeep breath; read the whole email – check out the Gleason score, the location of the cancer, research the odds, calculate the risks, put mind into overdrive.
So far, so good; I can do overdrive, hyperactive even.
The reality is my prognosis is not bad at all. The cancer’s just started from what they can see – that’s good; it appears to be a slow-growing type – that’s good; it’s at the apex – that’s not so good.
A few days later and I had the opportunity to speak with the doctor face to face.  We talked about options.  You know the word “options” – apparently it means “one scary choice after another”.  Well, not totally true – I’ve chosen what’s called “active surveillance” whereby blood tests and biopsies tell the tale and choices are made as needed.
So…life is oddly the same and yet changed.  I could live out the rest of years and never truly have to deal with this cancer or…other stuff could happen.
C’mon, Universe, send me another email – I can take it.

About zolfw

I am an avid trail runner and fitness enthusiast, an accomplished cook, a lover of cinema and literature (although I read everything from graphic novels to professional psychology tomes, neither extreme being literature in the strict sense) . I am a retired Health and Wellness Coach. I am a husband, father, grandfather, and uncle.
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