It’s my secret – so naturally I’ll have to spill it…

Slide1Okay, so this blog post has bugged me for weeks,  no, actually for months.

I keep trying to find some way to make it sound better than it does and I think I’ve finally let go of that.

So here’s what I’ve got:

depression sucks!

That’s a good place to start.

I’ve made no secret of my addictions, made no secret of the multiple abuses that I’ve had to deal with,  and yet I have had the hardest time admitting to being someone who suffers from depression.

It feels wrong somehow;  as if by the very nature of my being a coach,  being a teacher, I should be immune to depression!


The World Health Organization has a truly insightful and helpful video about depression (you can watch it here: , however as good as it is, it uses a dog to represent depression.

I have a dog; he is a delight in my life, so a dog representing depression – sorry, that just does not work for me.

So I came up with an alternative that does.

I think of depression as a backpack.

On some days it’s so light I barely notice it’s there, I can completely forget about it,in fact.

Other days its weight is almost too much to bear and I simply………cannot…….. move.

Some days it seems that anyone and everyone can come along and just load up that backpack, and try as I will, I just can’t seem to get it unloaded,








Some days I’m actually quite aware that I pick things up and I put them in the backpack myself: 

I pick up  uncertainties,

and I pick up  worries,

and I pick up fears,

and I pick up dissatisfaction,

and I add them all to the load I carry.

I think one of the most debilitating things about depression is how it somehow feeds on itself. To put it simply,  it’s depressing to know that you’re struggling with being depressed!

Have you heard the saying: “You’re only as sick as your secrets”?

Well, if that’s true (and I believe it is), I’m on my way to recovery in this area as well.

It isn’t a matter of “coming clean”; it’s more like asking for someone to help me shoulder the burden of that backpack. So maybe that would be “feeling lighter”?

Odd though it may sound, my knowing that you know lightens my load.

As I said, that’s a good place to start.

Sending you all thoughts of peace and strength.

About zolfw

I am an avid trail runner and fitness enthusiast, an accomplished cook, a lover of cinema and literature (although I read everything from graphic novels to professional psychology tomes, neither extreme being literature in the strict sense) . I am a retired Health and Wellness Coach. I am a husband, father, grandfather, and uncle.
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2 Responses to It’s my secret – so naturally I’ll have to spill it…

  1. Does it lighten the load to know that you have lightened the load of many others? With your courageous example, your delightful sense of humor, and your wisdom, your path is one that eases the burdens of the people who are privileged to know you. Remember this when you are tempted to add another stone to your own.


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