I was recently looking at a billboard written in Spanish and realized that the verb “tener” brought up a really interesting idea about how we view ourselves.

“Tener” means to have, as in “to possess” but also can indicate “to be”, a state of being.

Without getting into all the proper ways to express different expressions, consider for a moment that we often refer to ourselves using a state of being/state of mind as if it identifies us – “I am angry”, “I am sad”, “I am happy”.

How much more appropriate it would be to consider that we have different states at different times and we remain the same person!

It allows for us to experience what’s happening and not be so intimately tied to the experience that it rules our every thought and action.

Sure, when we are experiencing something exciting or joyous we would like to have that define us but not so much when we’re angry, sad, lonely, grieving.
In many ways though, none of those states – pleasurable or otherwise – defines us.

To a great extent, what defines us is how we live those states, experience them, learn from them, allow them to inform our lives and enrich us.

Yes, even sadness and grief are important – they are expressions of loss and loss is a natural part of life.

If we allow ourselves to FFEL and not simply BE we can experience and learn, and grow.