Hey, it’s possible!

Here’s where I’m coming from on this.

I spend not one day, or one week, or even one month, trying to be the most centered, most loving person I can be – it’s one of my ongoing, daily life goals,  but the holidays really take a toll on me.

No, I don’t run around saying “bah, humbug”, but I believe I understand what prompts that so often – sadness…sadness and a feeling of disconnection.

We, as humans, are social creatures, we rarely thrive in isolation. Early humans probably saw isolation as the end of life, since they’d be unable to do all the things they’d need to survive without others working with them.

In our “modern” age, we have many devices, agencies, conveniences, which eliminate the need for many of the individuals we would have relied on directly (of course, behind those things are individuals we rely on remotely), so being “alone” isn’t quite as life-threatening. It can be, however, fulfillment-threatening.

To a great extent it depends, I believe,  on how well we are able to feel connected. Note that I said FEEL connected, not BE connected. I, for example, am married, I’m a father, a brother, a member of a spiritual community, a member of many on-line communities, to name a few “connections”. Those connections, especially those not a part of social-media, are undeniable.  They are flesh and blood connections, some literally so. But that doesn’t mean they FEEL like connections at all times.

I know my son, my daughter, and their spouses and children are all connected to me, but they live many, many miles away; we all have responsibilities and needs that disallow visits except only rarely. The feeling of connection is hard to maintain at times. It certainly doesn’t equate a phone call or a text with a hug. My own wife is close by, of course, but her work often keeps us apart for most days and evenings which makes the time we are together somewhat charged with what feels like a need for it to be just right;  being humans, we often miss.

There’s a funny thing about disconnection – it seems to gather more feelings of disconnection to it, that is to say, knowing that I miss one person brings up feelings of others whom I miss. For someone like myself, dealing with depression, this becomes a cascading or inward, downward, spiral effect. The longer the downward spiral, the less possibility for being able to see anything but one’s self and becoming trapped in a very lonely, very sad place. Think of a circle of friends becoming a dot on which only you exist. That’s the feeling.

Intellectually, I am very aware that this feeling of disconnection is not the reality of my life. Spiritually, I am very aware that it is not the Truth of my life. But my emotions are at times stronger than either my head or my spirit. And THAT leads to sadness for me; sadness and an intense…fatigue. Perhaps inertia is a better word, because it just feels as if there’s not enough energy to move from that position of sadness, to pull out of the depths. And so there I remain.

Even as I write this there’s a part of me that wants to just end this post at that last sentence and sit here. But I know that in a few minutes I’m going to get dressed, get prepped for a trail run, and rejoin life. For me, being in nature allows me to reconnect with an energy that has no competing needs, no lack of availability, no pretense, no agenda – it just…is! And feeling that energy, that connection allows me to uncoil from the bottom of that spiral and rise up even just a bit, but that bit allows more light, more openness to come into my life, and then there’s hope.

The sadness doesn’t magically disappear; my human connections don’t mystically become closer, but my heart opens a bit wider, my spirit shines a bit brighter, my mind entertains more beauty, more life, more possibilities.

So, please don’t discount the “Scrooges” you meet; consider they may very well be in pain. Give them your love in whatever way is reasonable (it might have to be very indirect), but love them nevertheless.

Love, true love, is always a good thing.

If you need to know that someone out there is thinking of you, sending you love, let me know – I’ll be happy to be that person for you.

Peace.