Nah, I got nothin’…but it sounded like a good idea to start there because this feels like some sort of cosmic joke!

I’m writing from Oakland, California in the United States. I live in what I guess you’d call the foothills of Oakland, or at the foot of the Oakland Hills, whatever… My existence since the Coronavirus / COVID-19 hit here has been primarily one of inconvenience rather than disaster. What I mean is, we’re not ill here, nor are we lacking in the basic staples or even some luxuries…for the time being. That can, and quite likely will, change in the next several weeks, but for now it’s not an issue.

What is an issue for me is my increasing inability to focus, to stay in the moment, to be centered, which is really disconcerting given that my entire life revolves around my being able to do just those very things! You see, I’ve been studying for the ministry for quite a while now and while I am close to fulfilling a big step in that pursuit, I am finding myself unable to get quite the same benefits from my spiritual practice as I normally would. I am perfectly fine when I’m helping others, praying for them, simply being a sacred witness for them, but for myself? That’s my struggle today.

If you’ve read my blog before (or choose to do so now), you’ll know that I have danced with depression for years. Today’s dance is what is called an “Apache Dance”, not exactly the best dance to be part of given that it was famed for its violent moves. Look it up – quite fascinating origin and story…but I digress… Depression is one of those things that I can keep at bay most times, but it is quite insidious and seeks any crack, crevice, chink, split, hole, or weakness it can use to gain entry. With all that’s going on in the world, it’s found a huge open gate into my psyche and has come charging through. Mixed metaphors aside, it simply bites.

The image I used in this post is an exquisitely beautiful ocean wave cresting as it seemingly pulls the clouds from the sky. I chose it because it is beautiful, but also because it is a good visual representation of how I feel right now…I’m swimming in that, under that, wondering what will happen when it crashes down, and hoping that I’ll be wise enough to flow with it and allow myself to rise again in the swell, certain of the rhythm and the eternal flow…

That’s where I am today.